Keep those lines of communication with your kids open- even when it's tough!
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Sarah here. We hope you enjoyed last week’s blog on roadblocks to intentional parenting. Hopefully, you did the guided self-reflection, so you’ve begun thinking about how to get past these parenting roadblocks. This week, we’re focusing on what you do when you don’t know what to do- that is, your problem-solving process. Problem solving, decision making and learning styles are well-studied domains in the world of psychology. Rather than boring you with an exhaustive research paper, we thought we’d highlight a couple of dimensions related to problem solving on which people may vary. Today we’re focusing on the social aspect as well as the thought style of problem solving. When faced with uncertainty about what to do, some people try to figure things out on their own, while others seek support. Even among more social problem solvers, there can be variation. Some people go to a few trusted individuals, while others more broadly “poll the audience,” asking anyone and everyone they encounter for opinions and advice. Among those who use minimal social engagement while problem solving, there are those who prefer to get professional support (from a therapist or physician) and those who get support from a close friend or family member. Some people prefer to ask for support electronically (via text or on social media) while others feel more comfortable doing so in person. With respect to thought style, people are often categorized as being more intuitive or more logical in their thinking. These styles impact problem solving. Intuitive thinkers may be more likely to trust their instincts while logical thinkers may have a more methodical way of approaching problems. Intuitive problem solvers tend to focus on their sense of things, “listening to their hearts” or “trusting their gut,” while logical problem solvers rely most on their brain to lead them to the best solution. At times, these styles may affect speed of problem solving- it can be far easier to rapidly solve a problem for more intuitive thinkers, given that logical thinkers’ deliberate style just takes more time. We hope you can see that there isn’t a “right” or “wrong” way to solve problems along these dimensions. Issues can arise when we rigidly approach all problems in the same way. Being mentally flexible and being able to adapt your approach to the situation at hand is consistently associated with positive well-being. So, it may be useful to consider how you solve problems along these social and thinking dimensions. If you’re feeling stuck or you’re struggling to overcome a particular roadblock, maybe it’s an opportunity to do something different. If you prefer figuring things out on your own but you haven’t been successful, it may be useful to ask for help. If you are generally a logical thinker but you’re struggling to make a decision, maybe it’s time to start listening to your instincts. Whatever approach you take, be sure to evaluate how it went so you can learn from your experience.
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Sarah here. We hope you enjoyed last week’s blog on parenting with intention. Hopefully, you’ve been able to put intention into action. Last week, Lisa talked about roadblocks that can make parenting with intention more difficult. This week, we’re going to continue focusing on some of things that get in the way of your best efforts to be intentional as a parent. Parenting with intention isn’t a one-and-done act. It isn’t an accomplishment that you can complete and check off a list. Instead, parenting with intention is like meditation- it’s an ongoing practice that you can always do more or less of. Because of this, the roadblocks to parenting with intention may be dynamic over time and across situations. We want you to engage in a little practical self-reflection. Read through the questions that follow and notice what thoughts come to mind after you read each question. Focus on the present and recent past when reflecting. If you’d like, you can jot down your answers, but no pressure. Remember there are no right or wrong answers.
So, now that you’ve reflected on possible roadblocks to parenting with intention, what do you do? That depends. In some cases, how you intentionally parent may need to adapt. For example, if your intention was to spend time outdoors together as a family but there’s a blizzard outside, then adapting your intentional action makes sense! Perhaps you could spend some purposeful time together as a family indoors. If your self-care is abysmal right now and you can’t even fathom being intentional because you’re so sleep deprived, then prioritizing sleep and self-care now is the intentional action that will allow you to intentionally engage with your family later. Remember that roadblocks aren’t a sign to quit- they’re just a sign that we need to do something different. By periodically doing this intentional parenting self-reflection, you’ll be able to identify and address barriers and avoid stalling out. And, incorporating this type of self-reflection into your parenting practice is itself a great way to be intentional as a parent. Lisa here. Happy New Year! I hope you ended 2022 on a bright note and are heading into 2023 with optimism. If you read last week’s blog, you’ve spent some time reflecting on how you want to embody your parenting values this year. You may also be asking yourself why it’s important to think about how you want to parent. Knowing your parenting values and intentionally using them to guide your parenting makes your life and your kids’ lives easier. You parent more cohesively and your behavior is more predictable to your kids. When they know what to expect from you, they can relax and choose their behaviors more easily. Parenting with intention also allows you to evaluate your own behavior more clearly. You don’t have to spend time worrying about whether you’re doing things “right” or whether you’re doing a “good job” as a parent. You immediately know when you’re off track because you have a compass for your own behavior and reactions. This allows you to more easily make adjustments to your parenting that are more in line with your values. Intentional parenting also increases your confidence. When you have a roadmap, you feel more confident in your direction. You know where you’re going. You don’t have to figure things out as you go. You may not be able to predict all the speedbumps, but you will always know whether you’re heading in the right direction. Now, that’s not to say that parenting with intention is always easy. The main challenge is that you have to match your actions with your intentions. In other words, you have to walk the walk. Once you have identified what is important to you as a parent, you must take the necessary steps to live by that. This requires frequent check-ins with to determine whether you are living by the values that are most important to you. There’s also some work on the front end. You need advance preparation – you have to figure out what you’re being intentional about. Are you planning how you interact with your children, how you’ll handle misbehavior, how you’ll make decisions about their care/schooling/activities/etc.? If you’ve already figured out your parenting values and goals, you have a head start on your preparation. You already have a compass that will help guide your actions. You can decide how you want to interact with your kids, how you want to make rules for them, and how you want to handle conflict based on your parenting values. However, there are some roadblocks that can make parenting with intention harder. What happens when you’re tired, frustrated, or stressed? What happens when your kids do not cooperate with your master plan (e.g., you value spending time with your kids, but they would rather hang out with their friends; you value speaking calmly and keeping a cool head, but your kids are yelling or not listening to you)? These kinds of situations make parenting based on the values you hold more difficult, as you will tend to fall back on old habits or behave in ways you might not be so proud of. That’s why advanced planning is so helpful. You can decide in advance what you will do to help yourself stay true to you parenting values (e.g., take a break before talking with your misbehaving kids, create a mantra or saying to remind yourself of your values when you’re stressed, tag your co-parent or another trusted adult to help when you need a break, etc.). Remember, parenting is not different from any other relationship – you will be affected by other things going on in your life, most of which have nothing to do with your children. But, if you plan ahead, you can make some decisions about how you will still parent according to your values even when conditions are not ideal. That’s what intentional parenting is all about – thinking through your values and then creating a plan for acting on them in your daily life. Need some help clarifying your parenting values? Sign up for our newsletter and get our freebie, Jumpstart Your Parenting.
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Welcome!Feel free to peruse our blog and see what Sarah and Lisa had to say about topics related to your needs as a busy parent. We will talk about everything from parenting values, to life hacks, to realistic self-care. Archives
August 2023
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Conveniently located in Mandarin
Serving Duval, St. Johns and the surrounding counties |
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Address12412 San Jose Blvd.
Suite 203 Jacksonville, FL 32223 |
Telephone904-432-3321
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